Leaked in 2009 alongside other Timbaland-produced tracks that didn’t make The Blueprint 3, “Ghetto Techno” sounds like Pitbull’s “Culo” having a manic breakdown. Had it not been for The Edge’s woodcutter riffs, this song would be relegated to the dustbin of rock history instead of merely a low watermark in U2’s career. Who the hell counts off 1, 2, 3, 14?! Exactly. If anything, Bono’s opening lyrics of “Uno, Dos, Tres, Catorce!” make even less sense all these years on. Hot off their “comeback” album, 2000’s All That You Can’t Leave Behind and a mediocre, rushed 1990-2000 greatest hits package, on the heels of a pair of new not-greatest hits, U2 came back with fire and fury when they introduced “Vertigo” to the world in 2004. Even Ministry’s later dated political junk food thrash is better than this! Drop the contrarian position and embrace Psalm 69. Even metal and punk dudes now who go solo synthpop once their bands fizzle out sound better than this. Ministry were an amazing industrial metal band. A horrible litany that, when you are caught in the middle of it, you, in panic, fear that he actually has fifty such examples. This is delivered in the unpleasant crescendo particular to bad bar bands (that’s bad bands in bad bars, to be clear). There’s the whispery, faux-Dylany cleverish lines, and the introduction of a female character with that remote, Dylany, wispy, quasi-intriguing sentiment about not wishing to intrude - so far so good, this could go somewhere! - and then we get that pounding of the litany of ways to leave your lover. This song is, frankly, not a bad Bob Dylan impression - but, c’mon, seriously, only Dylan can carry off Dylan, and every other attempt to do a Dylan is a parody - of the doer.
Listen to the beginning of this song and tell me if you don’t now have the same suspicion.
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I wonder, is it possible that Paul Simon gets his musical inspirations from weddings? Not from the wedding band themselves, but from that alcohol soaked time of the wedding when some idiot old relative gets on the stage and says to the drummer, “give me those sticks, son, I know how to play” then categorically proves that he doesn’t, that the most musicality he is actually capable of is striking a drum head five times in a row and then stopping for a fraction of a second and hitting it two or three more times. Whenever Jay Z wants to big up himself, someone should remind him of “Ghetto Techno”… ( Tim Mosenfelder/Getty Images)ĥ0 PAUL SIMON / 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER The truth will set us free, yes, but it’s going to hurt sometimes… There was no consensus here - everyone involved is disappointed to see at least one song on this list and thinks someone got it wrong. And it was important in creating this list to be objective and distinguish between really awful recordings and songs we just don’t like. There’s no Sting on this list because, seriously, what do you think we are, savages? We don’t murder low hanging fruit. That’s valuable, right? Don’t we get enough bullshit in our daily diets to once and a while crave, need, a dose of truthful criticism? This list is not meant to be mean spirited! Really! Admittedly, it is not entirely generous, or very forgiving, and could be, in spots, construed as less than kind.
At least, if they weren’t great, we probably wouldn’t have noticed… You don’t know if they know, or know and don’t care, or if they are just U2 and know, don’t care and deep down don’t believe it anyway.Īnd maybe, twisted alternate universe thinking, it’s a sign of greatness that a performer/band appears on a list like this, because it means they’ve been around so long at the top that the law of averages trips them up and even the gods make a mistake. So it’s only really news when a great musician or band puts out a turgid stinker. But then again, as science fiction writer Theodore Sturgeon once said, when asked why so much science fiction was garbage, 90% of everything is crap.
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